What do I do when I feel I’m about to compare my troubles to someone else’s?
Clothed in Compassion: A Comparative Suffering Story
Political Homelessness
On November 8, 2016, I curled into my bed at 3 am repeating, “No, no, no, this can’t be,” as my friend attempted to console me. We were glued to our TVs late into the night, witnessing the surprising win for the 45th Presidency of the United States. In 2016, I would be called an engaged citizen. I watched the debates. I kept up with political headlines. I knew my stances and was prepared for a political conversation on various hot topics. I donated to my favorite candidate and even bought a shirt (Ru-Bae-O, anyone?). I kept up with the statistical projections, and I was ready. I felt our country was finally moving in the right direction. DIVISION AND ALLEGIANCE As we neared the election, I put my absentee ballot in the mail tray at my job. As I did, the receptionist – a Christian and friend of mine – […]
Be Still, My Soul, in this Pandemic
“Be still my soul”…easier said than done in this present time. Worrying has been a daily presence in my mind–the health of my loved ones, the jobs of my family and friends, my own job, my students, the future in general, being completely isolated if I get the virus. How am I supposed to keep everyone safe from something I cannot see? My soul has not been still. I have been battling for a still soul. And yet, I have had a hymn on repeat in my mind this week, reminding me over and over again: be still my soul, the Lord is on my side. The stronghold I can have on the feeling of control in my life and the lives of those around me cannot be gripped when things fall apart. The words of this hymn are a reminder that when the things in this life seem completely […]
Jesus is not surprised by our weakness
“Without me, you can do nothing.” John 15:5 This simple line of scripture has felt relevant over, and over, and over again since March 16th. Lacking Control – COVID-19 Edition Like most of you, my life has been put on hold, turned sideways, and restarted again on a much slower setting in the three weeks since COVID-19 became a growing reality across the world. My quarantine began a bit sooner than most, as out-of-state travel over spring break led me to make the decision to self-isolate before the shelter-in-place orders were widespread across my city, county, and state. During the first week of this self-isolation, my mind was whirring with fear for myself, my family who I’d travelled with, my roommates who had also travelled over spring break, and our country at large. Every cough at the dinner table was met with widened eyes, multiple yawns in a row equated […]
Let’s Make Space for Lament During Coronavirus, Too
In many ways, I’m wildly encouraged by the global Church’s response to this Coronavirus pandemic. I’m seeing innovative acts of love being given to neighbors. I’m watching buckets of grace be poured out as we all wade through these uncharted waters. I’m hearing about the selfless, consistent attempts to reach the most vulnerable and likely to become isolated. Praise God! Also: since COVID-19 began to spread, I have been surprised by how few Christians I have observed grieving right now. This unprecedented time has created life-altering shifts for everyone in the world – big and small. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, loss of employment, loss of safety at school for kids, or just an everyday loss of freedom, there is something for us all to grieve right now. What’s Lament? This pandemic is bringing me back to my knees in prayer through the ancient spiritual discipline […]
Church Hurt is the Worst Hurt – Part 2
First Incident “What are you going to do about your career so you can make sure you are more available to your husband’s emotional and sexual needs? You should get him a feelings chart so he can process his deep pain that’s leading him to these behaviors. You need to make sure you are fulfilling his desires so he won’t be tempted.” – Sarah I was shocked. Was I really hearing this right? I was in a group with 3 women from church whom I met with weekly. The purpose was to spend intentional time together and foster intimate sisterhood. As I shared about what had been challenging, I alluded to some recent struggles in my marriage. “What’s been going on with your marriage?” Sarah had asked. I had 2 options: exercise discretion and hinder vulnerability or step out in vulnerability and hope it would open up a new depth […]
Managing Fear in the Midst of a Pandemic
For those of you who don’t know, I live in San Jose, California. Now, in most contexts, that would not have much significance, but drop that piece of data into a point of time, say March 2020, and suddenly, its significance is great. San Jose is the scene of the third-largest outbreak of COVID-19 in the United States. The situation is changing so rapidly, that as I have been writing this over the past week, I have had to edit the information I am about to present several times. The World Health Organization has officially declared the COVID-19 outbreak a pandemic and our governor banned all gatherings of over 10 people across our whole state. In my county and the counties surrounding mine, we are under a “shelter-in-place” order, meaning we can only leave our houses in cases of supply runs and emergencies. The President has shut our borders to […]
Read Scripture Before COVID-19 Headlines
How many people were diagnosed today with COVID-19? How many deaths have there been today? Which celebrities have been diagnosed today? Had you asked me this last week when COVID-19 was beginning to spread rapidly in the United States, I would have been armed with the answers because I have been watching the news so closely. My husband and I would wake up in the morning, open our phones, and look at the news to see what we missed since we went to bed. A similar story followed throughout the day as we anxiously waited to see what exciting new headline would become a topic of conversation. It made it even easier when people we passed by sitting on benches, at the tables next to us at restaurants, and most of our friends were talking about it as well. I noticed two main responses when people began to opine on […]
Masks That We Hide Behind
The new church plant I am a part of, Refuge Community Church, recently discussed the act of hospitality in the context of bringing people to Christ. “But now in Christ Jesus, you who were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.” Ephesians 2:13-20, NIV Some of the discussion questions were: What masks do you hide behind that hinder hospitality? How do you feel God is leading you to respond? As I listened to Shawn, our associate pastor, give an example in his own life, I realized what was mine. A mask that I have hidden behind for many years is a façade that I am not as dorky as I am. Writing and saying it out loud makes me laugh because it is a bit ridiculous how trivial some things are when you look at the big picture. However, this has been an area of hurt […]
Waiting Is Not Wasted Time
I’ll never forget the look on the man’s face at the store as he scanned my items and casually asked me my due date. It was obvious the time was near, but he gave a look of horror as if I’d give birth right then and there on the store’s floor when I answered, “Four days ago.” That was with my first daughter; today is my due date with my fourth daughter, though of course, I’m writing this weeks in advance. I could possibly have had her by today, but it’s not likely; my babies love to make me wait. So it’s probable that this little one will also make me play the waiting game I’m all too familiar with and not very fond of. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “How much of human life is lost in waiting,” but I disagree. As much as I dislike waiting when I’m in […]