Church Hurt is the Worst Hurt – Part 2

First Incident  “What are you going to do about your career so you can make sure you are more available to your husband’s emotional and sexual needs? You should get him a feelings chart so he can process his deep pain that’s leading him to these behaviors. You need to make sure you are fulfilling his desires so he won’t be tempted.” – Sarah  I was shocked. Was I really hearing this right?  I was in a group with 3 women from church whom I met with weekly. The purpose was to spend intentional time together and foster intimate sisterhood. As I shared about what had been challenging, I alluded to some recent struggles in my marriage. “What’s been going on with your marriage?” Sarah had asked.  I had 2 options: exercise discretion and hinder vulnerability or step out in vulnerability and hope it would open up a new depth […]

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Church Hurt is the Worst Hurt – Pt. 1

The words plunged into me like a dagger: “Jessica, In this case, you were wrong. You were manipulative. You inserted yourself to be part of a group where truth is, not everyone would welcome you. I ask that you make arrangements at a different hotel.” My church was going to a highly anticipated conference, and my former church, halfway across the country, wanted to attend but had missed out on early sign-up benefits. During a 5-day visit with my friend, she expressed disappointment about the missed opportunities. I extended my church’s resources (with their permission), which she graciously accepted… and then the above message popped into my inbox, written by her husband (and my former pastor). He heard through the grapevine – not his wife, and assumptions were made about my intentions and the reach of his authority. OUR CHURCH HURT When people tell me they are apprehensive about the […]

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