As the pastor’s wife of a young church in a young city, I hear and feel the need for discipleship within our church. There are people hungry to be poured into by older men and women, desiring to grow in their relationship with God, and just want some guidance on how to do that. But the overwhelming perception is that there are no older men or women who are available to disciple them. (Remember: our context is in a young church in a young city. They’re kind of right…the older people they’re looking for are few and far between!) So, what do you do when you desire to be discipled, but you don’t think there’s anyone to disciple you? What is Discipleship? First, I suspect that perhaps our view of discipleship is more narrow than the full Biblical picture of discipleship. After all, a disciple in the Bible is simply […]
The Falling of the Following
Here recently, I’ve been overwhelmed by the persistence of God’s grace. For everyday that I’ve lived to breathe and walk here on earth, I’ve sinned. For every season in my life’s book, I can name a different idol that Satan has dangled in front of my face. For each time I come to Him in prayer, I’m struck by my sheer humanity once more. Yet through each millisecond— never skipping a day nor season nor chance— Jesus has pursued me with His mercy, love, and strength. Now that’s persistence. Recently, I’ve rekindled my love for writing poetry. An old habit left in the dust of college, but revived for the sake of the soul. I’m no Dr. Seuss, but there’s just something about piecing together a puzzle of words in which they become heavier on the heart and closer to the conscience. This poem below was written several weeks ago […]
How Motherhood is Teaching Me to Reimagine Sacrifice
“Look at how much God is letting you sacrifice for this little one already,” she texted back with the confidence of a seasoned mother. My friend’s wisdom stunned me. I just shared how I’d been experiencing chronic pain throughout my entire pregnancy. Get to sacrifice already? Is she nuts? I’m about to endure labor, delivery, AND postpartum recovery after suffering for nine months. What about that is blessed? Wait… did she say ‘ALREADY’? Only the beginning And… turns out… she was right. A challenging pregnancy was only the beginning of how much the Lord would let me sacrifice for my little one. The first five months of my daughter’s life would include some extremely difficult moments: Cluster feeding (16 nursing sessions per day for three weeks), colic, thrush (twice–in a row–both of us), severe neck rash, “poor coordination” of the mouth (rejected bottles, weekly OT rehab), sleep-deprived insomnia, Torticollis (weekly […]
No New Clothes 2021
On New Year’s Day, my annual ritual is to reflect on the past year by journaling and writing out prayers for the new year. I’ve never participated in New Year’s resolutions. But last January, as I sat in my teeny tiny one-bedroom apartment and stared at all the ways I was trying to make everything fit inside my teeny tiny one closet, I thought to myself: “no more clothes” and then immediately and in shock, “No More Clothes??” Little did I know, the Spirit was moving in me to tell me to stop buying clothes. Stop online shopping, stop buying a new dress for every wedding or event or new outfit for singing at church on Sunday. Stop buying clothes. So last year, (apart from one situation where the dress I was wearing to an event broke on the way there), I did not buy any new clothes. I resisted […]
Good Friday in a World of Despair
What’s so good about Good Friday? This question is one that has been the title of blogs, sermons, articles, and YouTube videos. It is a catchy and clickable quip for Christians and non-Christians alike. Typically, the content gives an explanation of the fact that, while Christ suffered immensely on the cross, His victory over it through the Resurrection is the Good News and the means by which we are saved. It is John 3:16. It is the Gospel. Subsequently, we commemorate this day as Good Friday. All of these things are true – there is no goodness like the goodness of knowing Christ. He came so we might have life and have it in abundance (John 10:10) along with freedom from the weight of sin. As a person who is notorious for looking on the sunny side of everything, I am tempted to let the cup of suffering embodied on […]
Go to the desert this Lent
The season of Lent always stirs up images of entering a desert for me. I am brought back to memories of sitting in our gold van perched in my reclined chair with a pillow as I stared out the car window into the vast abyss of compacted rock forming a sea of brown. I think about the times I’ve been mesmerized by the National Geographic aerial photos, capturing the unseen patterns of the cracked earth worn from years under the piercing sun. The desert can seem mysteriously appealing from afar, yet becomes daunting at the thought of stopping the car, letting go of the security of its protective structure, the comfort of my plush pillow, and willingly walking across the cracked earth to the center of the desert. I imagine willingly following Jesus into a desert. It requires courage to follow Him into the desert, not as a stop along […]
Grace and Mercy in the New Mom Season
This past December, my husband and I welcomed a new member into our family, Owen. In the months leading up to his birth, I was all in on reading to prepare for taking care of a baby: the classic What to Expect When You’re Expecting, the Christian book Made for This on childbirth, and the baby whisperer book, The Happiest Baby on the Block, kindly gifted to me by a friend. In addition to having a handy dandy best friend who is an OBGYN, I read all the articles on Lucie’s List and did extensive research on baby products. Even in the midst of all this learning I knew none of it was actually going to adequately prepare me for the trial by fire experience of having a little human we’re suddenly responsible for. All this — while I’m recovering from what the comedian Ali Wang calls someone’s house being […]
What Lasts is Love
My mentee Ally and I volunteered at a homeless shelter together last week. We handed out toothpaste, floss, towels, and more from a supply closet to the men at the shelter. We spoke to a man whose dog Bobo had all the guests (and us!) enraptured. Another man told me about his son who died at age 18 – and I shared about my brother, in heaven at the same age. We reasoned they were likely having a party together now. Do you think age matters in heaven, that you tend to make friends with people your age like you do on earth? We didn’t always have what the men requested – eyeglasses so they could read, clean boxers, or the right charger for their phones. The needs felt so great in this building where dozens of men shared one communal room in which to sleep and find shelter from […]
Soul: Remember your God (A poem)
You have replayed your anxieties, complaints, and sorrows. Again. And again. And again. But have you rehearsed the glory of your God? Yahweh, Jehovah, Messiah. Trust Him! Lean into His grace. Drink from His well. Feast on His abundance. Look up. Look to Him. Who, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross. Remember. He has purpose for this season. None of it is wasted. Fear not. Don’t give in. He has overcome the world. Be present today. After all, it’s all He’s given. And He will supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Do not worry about tomorrow (or how you’ll finish this season). It has enough trouble of its own. Fear not, little flock, for your Father knows what you need and is pleased to give you the Kingdom. Hold on to the hope of the gospel. Stay anchored in your Redeemer. […]
“To anyone who knew me in my prolonged grief…”
My mom passed away from a stage IV brain tumor on January 17th, 2021. It feels really strange tosee those words so starkly on a page. But, since beginning graduate school in DC and moving 1,200 miles away from home, I have had to try and learn how to non-awkwardly and concisely communicate about this tragedy in a way that is (somewhat) socially acceptable. While the past year has been marked by the Lord’s kindness and abundance, it has also been disorienting to go from everyone knowing every little detail and milestone about my life and family condition to suddenly having to explain everything anew to each person I meet. Until recently, I don’t think I actually understood how deeply Mom’s illness impacted me – particularly my energy levels and desire to communicate. It’s not unusual for me to process something months after the fact – my friends will tell […]