Healing when I’d lost hope

sad woman

Have you ever gone through a trial that seemed like it was just too much to bear? 

I have. 

Seven years ago, I had hit rock bottom. My marriage had completely fallen apart, and as a result, after five  “good years” I began to wrestle with self-harm again. To be honest, I was a complete mess.

At that time in my life, I struggled a lot. The pain felt unbearable. I was having a hard time pushing through each day, and most nights I barely slept at all.

I clearly remember one sleepless night when I was sitting at my kitchen table crying out to God, asking Him to help me get through it all.

After praying about it for a while, I did what we all do when we can’t sleep and scrolled through Facebook. As it turned out, while I was praying for some words of hope to carry me through, a friend was posting just what I needed to hear.

She had shared a short but powerful verse, Psalm 147:3: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” My friend had no idea what was going on at that time or that her sharing this verse would literally change my life, but God knew!

As I wiped the tears from my eyes that night, I began reading the words over and over again. My heart was so broken, but this promise, that God would heal my broken heart was such a comfort to me.

I had been dealing with some pretty serious physical and emotional wounds at the time. The physical ones I had made myself, and the emotional ones that stemmed from my marriage crumbling. Those words, those beautiful words that He would “bind up my wounds,” the wounds that I had made on my arms, and my wounded heart, spoke to me in such a powerful way! They not only gave me hope at that moment, but in the years to come.

I carried that verse with me for a long time. I had it saved on my phone and read those words every time I felt the hurt swallowing me up or the urge to harm myself. They brought me through some of my very darkest days.

Today, I still carry those words with me everyday  because years ago I had the reference permanently written on my wrist.

When I decided to get Psalm 147:3 tattooed on my arm, I intentionally put it right next to a pretty bad scar I had made that night in my kitchen. I wanted it to be a reminder of where I had been, and where God had brought me. It’s almost like a timeline, reminding me about the place of hurt I had been, as well as the place of healing the Lord has carried me into.

This life is full of hardships and difficulties, but our God is a faithful Father. It took many years, but in the end God used the season of separation in my marriage in ways I never would have imagined. Not only did He heal my hurting heart, but He turned my husband’s heart of stone into a heart of flesh. 

The painful path I had to walk down at that time not only led to the fulfilment of God’s promises, but also the restoration of my husband’s faith and the restoration of our marriage.  

I am thankful today I can say that God has completely healed my broken heart. My marriage is better than ever because my husband and I have both learned to put God first in our lives and to keep the Lord at the center of our relationship. 

God has also helped to heal the wounds I had been inflicting on myself at the time. I am grateful I was able to get the help I desperately needed at that time and have learned to deal with pain more positively. God has helped me to “bind up” those wounds for good and leave self-harm in the past. 

The next time your life seems hopeless and your circumstances seem too much to bear, bring it before God. Lay your pain down at the foot of the cross and leave it there. He can and He will help you through. We were never meant to carry it on our own in the first place!

The Lord has healed my broken heart, and bound up my wounds. Will you trust Him to do the same in your life?

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