You know those days where you just cannot do anything right? You upset people you love and care about, you mess up on a task at work, you didn’t go to the gym like you had originally planned and instead went straight home for the 8th day in a row? I’ve had those days for what feels like weeks. I end up discouraged, upset, and frustrated with myself. I come home and talk about how I wish my day had a different result and my husband quietly says, “I wish you would give yourself a lot more grace. You shouldn’t talk about yourself that way.”
A word I hear so often it’s embedded in my mind, almost to the point where I don’t even notice it. I don’t notice the significant weight that the word alone has on my relationship with God, with others, and with myself. The weight of grace has the power to change my life. It’s never easy learning a new skill or creating a new habit, but for the past few weeks, that’s what I’ve had to do in order to notice the weight of grace in my life. I’ve had to constantly remind myself – grace upon grace upon grace.
I have always struggled with pride and self-centeredness in my life and in last few weeks, I have learned that I can’t do everything and I can’t do everything well. I wrestle with this daily. I feel no grace for myself. I hold myself to an impossibly high standard that constantly ends in disappointment. It’s almost like I’m keeping myself at arm’s length… like I don’t want to fully embrace myself and everything that comes with that because I don’t want to end up disappointed. Unfortunately, because I feel this way about myself, I started to believe that this MUST be the way God feels about me.
I believe lies like: God doesn’t like me. God doesn’t look at me and feel joy. God is hanging on to all the sin I’ve committed. God doesn’t believe the best in me. God doesn’t have anymore grace to me.
But here’s the truth: He does like me. He does look at me and feel joy. He casts my sin as far as the east is to the west and he gives me grace upon grace upon grace. He does love me, and has the whole time. I can’t do it on my own and I don’t have to.
There is nothing I’ll ever be able to do on my own that would give me grace- you can’t earn this stuff, folks. It’s freely given. So, I’ve started going back to the basics and focusing on scriptures that I’ve spent my whole life hearing but am finally starting to grasp.
Grace cannot be earned:
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God” Ephesians 2:8.
Grace is an eternal gift:
“For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus” Romans 3:24.
Grace grants us strength:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
I recently believed that I was above the basics and I’ve never been so wrong. I’ll spend my whole life needing to accept God’s gift of grace in my life.
My hope for you is that you remember that you don’t have to earn it either. God isn’t disappointed in you. He knows you need His grace. His grace is more than enough for you and He wants you to have it. He gives it as a gift.